Diary Excerpts
Record 1
Life is so wonderful! I've never been so happy in my whole life. It's all because of Jenny - she's so amazing. I remember our first date - she looked luxuriously dressed in light silk dress with large ribboned hat. I gave her a bunch of pansies - she was delighted. In fact pansies are her favorite flowers. We enjoyed walks in the field near the river. The field was covered with colourful flowers, the water was cool and fresh. Sometimes it's rainy. The clear pure drops fall into the water. We like sitting on the ground with a shared umbrella above our heads staring at the water, throwing pebbles into it. I like the field that belongs me! It's peaceful and quiet. There is beautiful nature and views are great. I like walking with Jenny through my field when the sun is shining bright and you hardly can find a cloud in the sky. We listen birds singing, feel the blowing of the wind and dream about our future life. We are like birds of a feather. I think I don't need anyone but Jenny. She inspires me and I begin to draw like I never did. She is very impulsive and passionate, but on the other hand she is very tender and lovely. When she grabs me and puts a grip on my hand and my heart starts missing a beat. I'm fond of drawing her. I like standing her in the river with violet wild flowers. Flowers are so velvet and soft to the touch. Jenny's long hair is flattering in the wind. Her wet skirt covers her legs. And her large green eyes are very expressive and impressive. People said that my works look very sensitive and tender. Especially they like 'The girl near the river'. Someday I will become someone big instead of poor useless artist...
Record 2
My picture sale began to increase somehow... I think I need my own place where people could see my masterpieces, choose what picture they want to buy. Maybe I should build a gallery on my field - so that they could compare the beauty of the nature with my pictures and buy one of them. But I can't afford it, so I guess it's better to take a loan from bank. This is my chance to become rich and famous. I spent a long time in the shade and now it is time for making a groundbreaking decisions. Jenny thinks that my intentions are quite unwise and taking a loan from bank is like one way ticket. She is afraid of my failure. If I'm not able to pay the money back, bank will confiscate my field leaving me with nothing. But deep inside I really want to do it in spite of everything.
Get rich or die trying. Jenny with her love is good, but if we're going to have children - we need a better place to live and more money. And that's how the future should be. There are lots of artists with worse works - and some of them got rich and famous. Hey - I can do it better than they do. My grandfather left me with a nice field - I would make his dream of building a family house in there true. Not just a house - but a house with gallery in such a marvelous place. I think it's exactly what I was supposed to do. But Jenny's reaction is strange, doesn't she believe in me? Or perhaps she thinks that I would put my work as the first priority and leave Jenny behind. Well even if that'll happen - it's for her own good so we could spend more money to enjoy ourselves.
Record 3
Everything is perfectly fine. Day by day I'm getting richer and more famous. Some art magazines wrote nice articles about me. People began to recognize me in the streets! Apparently there is some tension in relationship with Jenny. We can't agree on anything. She doesn't want me to go to parties. She even refuses to accompany me. I accidentally left her behind me couple of times, but I had good reasons for that. But now she doesn't talk to me. How vulnerable and selfish she is! Why do I have to make it up to her if it wasn't my fault? We go for a walk much more rarely due to my work. I'm busy making lots of money, but she doesn't notice it. We argue everyday. I bought a cool sapphire lounge suit. Light vertical stripes make me look taller. I even chose the best suitable tie for this! It's gray with violet stripes. Actually violet colour always reminds me the flowers in Jenny's hands... I still love her, though she doesn't understand me.
The photo of me wearing that suit became a front cover of a famous art magazine. Critical reception of my new works is good, sales are high, prices rise. But what's wrong with Jenny? Perhaps she is just jealous. She envies my success - but why? My success is our success - she gets anything she can buy for the money I get. I don't restrict her wishes financially. I always invite her to join me on parties and everywhere. Doesn't she understand that our future depends on my art's PR? We need good public shows, reviews, etc to be popular. It's so evident but Jenny refuses to understand.
Record 4
It had to happen sometime, but I felt miserable after she left. She couldn't put up with my new way of life. For some reason I couldn't understand her anymore, her thoughts are a mystery for me. It wasn't always like that - we used to think alike. She's the only girl I love no matter what I'm doing.. or have already done. I know that I'm not perfect and maybe I made her feel hurt. But it was her fault from the beginning! I was blinded by love. And now she showed me her true natural hysterical selfish wicked character. I couldn't care less about her from now on. Maybe I should find a new girlfriend. I'm popular and rich enough. I can get on well with people. It's unwise for Jenny to leave me, perhaps she is just improvident to do that when business is good. To hell with her - that'll shorten my expenses. I could invest my time in better girls. Why did I choose her anyway - there are lots of girls who would be happy to be mine.
Record 11
I went to the place I owned before. The view of the former field made me depressed. There is a scrapyard there now. There were lots of old rusted cars and other trashy things. The place was looking very dull and horrible, especially if you know what there used to be. Instead of a flowing water current there was a dull dried stream traces which were only a mere shadow of a former river beauty. No flowers, no green grass, no high trees and singing birds. Only cold scrapmetal was around. The most of dustmen were smoking and scratching their necks. Some of them were taking apart old broken cars and compressing the metal parts into briquettes for remelting. The air wasn't fresh anymore. Even the sun left this place a long time ago. At that moment I regretted everything I had done. But it was too late...
Record 5
Why are people so greedy. They're just using me in their dirty games. The girls I've met after Jenny left were even worse than her. At least she spent money wisely. These "girls" are up for my money and fame - they want to suck me dry. They only pretend you're their true love while you're feeding them. When a better victim appears - they simply leave you without a notice. And that's good when they simply leave. Some relationships end up in court with trials. I didn't offend, molest, stalk or done anything to them, but in any case, even if I win, my PR suffers. Girls begin making up stories about me being a monster in private, spreading these lies over the media and yellow press. And these dirty tricks work - my popularity goes down, my works doesn't sell due to my newly bad reputation. How could it be ? Why do they care about the artist's PR. If the picture is good and you like it - why do you care about the author's private life? That doesn't make any sense! I became disappointed in people, I feel depressed, lonely, apathetic. My works were well-known for their fresh, vivid, positive images. I simply can't make these under such circumstances. I can't create anything in a mood like this... Perhaps I would give drugs a try...
Record 10
My last works are not as good as previous ones - now I understand. I had a good inspiration from Jenny - she used to be my muse. People hadn't bought anything for months. I was down and out and the bank took my field with the gallery. My finances were completely ruined, I went bankrupt. But bankruptcy is not the worst thing happened to me in these two years... Jenny was right and I feel empty without her by my side. I could say that my heart was broken, but actually I broke her heart. I'd like to turn back time and try begging Jenny to stay. Or otherwise, not to take loan from the bank.If I hadn't done this, I wouldn't have lost my girl. I didn't notice that happiness was so close. I ruined everything with my own hands and these thoughts stucked in my head.
Record 12 (the last)
I tried hard to find Jenny and at last I managed to do it. She lives in the big distant city. It took much time to get to her. I came to Jenny's house and rang the doorbell. The tall man of solid build opened the door. I asked if there was Jenny. He answered: 'Yes, she's at home. Honey! Strange man wants to have a word with you.' My heart sank. I became speechless with surprise and disillusionment. That man was her husband. She got married one year ago. So much time has past since we parted. And I even haven't dared to phone her. I loved her more than my life and didn't even guess to marry with her. What a fool! And there is no way back. I'm left with nothing.
